“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, You are there; if I rest on the far side of the sea, Your love hems me in both behind and before. You have laid your hand upon me.”
– Your Hand Upon Me, by Eric Grover
My commutes are generally short – a long commute in Charleston is 20 minutes. Pete and I laugh because people here who have never driven in D.C. have no concept of a long commute. I play compilation CDs on random when I go out, choosing the mood I’m in and working from there.
Yesterday, as I drove in to see my chiropractor about the back I threw out while shooting and processing my self-portraits last Friday, the words from the song above filtered through the haze of pain. I caught myself smiling in spite of the pain, thinking how much I loved that about God, that He is everywhere I go, that He hems me in.
I have spent a long time staring God down over things I hate about Him and the way He interacts – or doesn’t interact – with the world, so yesterday’s moment of surprising joy made me blink.
He thinks differently than I do, and He challenges me to think outside my own boxes. He wants me to know Him, and He’s not afraid of my doubts or my frustration or my anger. And He pretty much ignores the silent treatment and speaks into my life anyway.
There ARE things I love about God; His very Person compels my passion. His being brings me to life. Do you know I cry when I read the Bible and hear His voice as I read? Do you know I am furious when people misuse Scripture to fit 3-point works-oriented sermons that speak nothing of grace or the new life that we are given in Christ?
So what if, I thought – What if I look at the things I love about God? What if I dare to speak – laugh, sing, bounce of the walls with – the praise I sometimes swallow because I’m not entirely sure about Him yet? He’s not shy to speak His love over me – even as He covers me in the grace I stand in. There’s no way I’m going to ever make sense out of all the paradoxes of God to prove that He’s worth trusting.
So what if I accept the joy He’s holding out to me instead of pushing Him off until I’m sure He means to give it? I don’t really have anything to lose.