the problem with having a restless heart is that you get called repeatedly to rest, and sometimes the enforcement comes in ways you don’t expect and really don’t want to embrace. in my case, that anxiety i was talking about…
anxious over nothing
and then there are the days where i don’t feel happy, not at all, when the anxiety takes over and caring for my people feels so overwhelming that i think i don’t exist myself anymore. i have never had issues…
Going Under
Today I don’t know what I have to offer anyone. It seems like everything I say or do is a copy of someone or something else, and I know this is how I learn, but I also know that the…
Slow Bleed
It is bleeding into everything, the depression that has ripped my life apart again in the last two weeks. I try to gather my wits, try to do what I know is best for my body, but I can’t work…
Places
It was rumoring autumn in New England last week when we visited Pete’s parents. The Japanese maple in his old back yard was tinting more red than usual, and one evening while we were there, we could smell wood smoke…
Reach
I went into the hospital in June of 2004 with a herxheimer reaction that ended for me any questions that I might not really be sick. I was having convulsions and I couldn’t stand up, let alone walk. I was…
Settled
I mentioned panic and anxiety attacks on Monday. I asked a friend to pray for me. She asked another friend, who stepped in strong on my behalf yesterday. I told the truth; they spoke it back. There is no feeling…
More
Pete says he sees a change. He says I’m doing better. I do see a little more energy here, a little faster movement there. My brain is a little clearer than it has been. But this week has been hard…
Diminish
“Living is being born slowly. It would be a little too easy if we could borrow ready-made souls.“ – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Flight to Arras, 1942
Noticed
When you’re sick, you enter a high-need zone that freaks a lot of people out. You can’t rely on your own strength and ability to do the simplest of tasks, and this means that those around you are often called…